The Birds


The Birds

             The older birds in my flock of readers will remember the great movie, “The Birds” which was a Hitchcock classic. Get the flick somehow if you need some Halloween fear without too much gore.  It is a psycho-thriller, where birds start behaving badly on an island and begin attacking the residents. Well, I too have some bird business going on that is giving me some very psycho-ugly thoughts.

I love birds. I like how they sing, how they fly and how as a community they do many cool things. I BEAUTIFUL-GREEN-NATURE-WITH-BIRDS-BUE-JAY-BIRDalways look at them, flying south for the winter as a group, and they don’t need membership cards. After a field is tilled or watered, zillions will collect for a big bug brunch. And have you seen the big vultures that congregate together in large, random trees? Birds are beautiful and one of God’s better ideas. So what is the down side?

I support dove hunters because it is a sport, it brings joy to its players, there are plenty of birds and it is good for the economy. In the last couple of years, I have been thinking about killing birds, but just those in my back yard. I have lived over 20 years in the same residence, but the bird business has become bad. Although I love hearing the bird banter in the cool mornings with the windows open, but alas, when I go in the back or front yards, the birds have bombed my cars and concrete with reckless abandon.

I used to watch “House” and worry about the disease implications of bird poop. I have grandkids, pigeon1and that is nasty stuff to have around little hands and feet. I have tried different strategies like trimming trees, putting goo on wires where they like to hang out and a few other things, but none are working. I first became aversive to pigeons back in the day when they created problems at the junior high school where I worked. Some of our valley main streets are eco-disasters because of the fecal funk of our feathered friends.

It’s not just the doo-doo that they do! They shed feathers as well, and most residents won’t notice this feather phenomenon. Well, Jimbo, when he moved to his working class neighborhood, was lucky enough to get a place with a pool. Feathers in the pool! Who would have thought it to be a problem? There are a lot of them, and their texture makes them want to stick to the sides of the pool. Every morning my brush and me are getting busy about cleaning the sides of the pool, and let me tell you their plumage is a problem. Feathers plus chlorine equal glue. It is very hard to get the feathers off the side.

Don’t worry. Don’t call the SPCA, PETA or the local branch of “save the doves.” I don’t own a weapon, and it doesn’t make me mad enough to get a BB gun or slingshot. I have peace with this fallen world. I can accept that chaos is part of the last days. Wait a minute… I’m going to Google “Rent a Hawk!”