The Heck Caused by the Text



The cell phone is a very amazing invention. It enables quick, inexpensive communication 24/7. If you have one of the “smart” phones, then you have access to the information highway as well.

I don’t carry a cell phone, but I have one in my office. It is my wife’s “Batphone” and it is not smart, just like me. I lack the “techie” gene, but my wife is wonderfully smart so it all works out well.

Last week, Abby once again misinformed “Worried Wife in Kentucky” when she borrowed her husband’s phone and found out he was getting romantic texts from a married, female co-worker. Some good advice was to make a copy of the texts, but it ended there. She said to confront the husband and then if that doesn’t work, confront the woman.

Although the cell phone is an overall plus, it has its liabilities and dark side. That can be good, but it is shown to be dangerous. A phone connects you with Facebook, where you can find people to communicate with, and yes—hook up.

I haven’t seen the research on new technologies and their impact on relationships, but there is a reoccurring pattern of complaints by partners. He or she is spending too much time with the phone, tablet or laptop, and it is causing a ruse in relationships.

Healthy relationships have communication, trust, sacrifice and honesty as their foundation. It is too easy to be dishonest and when the opposite sex is found on a text—the trust becomes traumatized. Especially, if you have been burned before or grew up in a family where trust was trampled on. Trust is a fragile thing.

Rules help in relationships. It is important to talk about the boundaries and maintain them. When it comes to texting and technology, our partners should have access to our information. What we don’t know can hurt us. Many marriages have been destroyed or destabilized by an “innocent” text from the other gender.

Abby should have encouraged “Worried…” that this behavior should end. It is his job to show her he is going to take responsibility and nip the situation in the bud. She should request him to text the female friend and let her know that the wife read the texts and is very upset.

Also, there should be consequences for the next text. The husband needs to be clear with the other “sexter” that the next time she sends him a naughty note, he was going to then take it to her husband.

Abby should not have told the women to do the dirty work, but have her husband solve the problem. Copies of the text should also be sent to Human Resources where they work, if there seems to be any confusion. Management in personnel knows how toxic extramarital activities can be to the work environment and to the goals of the company.

Men should protect their wives and girlfriends, and vice versa. Unfortunately, the definition of vice has changed so we have to be vigilant to protect ourselves and others. Do not assume others have your best interests at heart.

I have worked for the past 40 years in careers dominated by women (education and social work). To protect my wife, I always communicate my comings and goings, especially if I am hanging out with other women. Although, others have burned the wife in the past, she has great trust in me.

It was something that happened from design. We wanted a certain type of relationship, and we now have it. You can increase trust in your family, but don’t expect technology to do it for you!