Well? How was it this past weekend? Do you “get er done” or did you miss the mark? If you did not bring a smile to your wife, mother or girlfriend’s face, just read on, and you might learn a thing or two. If you fell short, and you are in the dog house, print this out so that next year you will have a better harvest. This is a “love language lesson” brought to you by Jimbo Shinn.
The Five Love Languages-“The Secret to Love that Lasts”-is a best seller and great primer for marital stability and fulfillment, written by Christian counselor Dr. Gary Chapman. If you struggle in the love department (and I don’t mean sex!), guys, pick up a copy. Wives and mothers, if you want your husband or son to behave better, get him a copy, and you read it first. This article will give you a few Mother’s Day, and everyday, ideas, for being a better man, husband and father. Listen and learn, or repeat the same mistakes, again, and again, and again….
Very quickly, one of the most missed love languages (LL) is that of spending Quality Time (QT) with the women of your life. QT involves often time, not just minutes, but sometimes hours, doing things she likes to do. Take her to a chick flick, the mall, the kid’s sports events or just watch the Home Improvement Network, or whatever she likes, with her, on TV. Position yourself with her, be her wingman, and ride together in short or long journeys of HER choosing. Don’t worry…ESPN or your job will be there when you get back.
LL #2 is what I call “Bling Bling” where you buy her things. Candy, flowers, cards are the traditional, but think about gifts that she really likes and put down your VISA and make her very happy. You can also be frugal and express your fondness. If you aren’t good at gifting, phone a friend or female relative. They will help you. This takes a little focus before the big day. Focus, Bubba, Focus!!
In addition to getting my wife a Starbucks gift card (she will someday be a member of Starbucks Anonymous!), when we were at the mall a week earlier (quality time!) I noticed she was in a shoe store, looking at some sandals, but decided she couldn’t afford them. I went back, couldn’t find the one’s she was looking at, but got her a gift card for that store. Make no mistake, she will find the sandals she was lusting after! She will also be pleased that I was paying attention.
Love Language number three, is physical affection. Often men want too much sex, but women want more hugs, hand holding, walking arm and arm, or just sitting close together. This is an easy no brainer, but many men are physically disabled in this area. Forget about your space and invite her in, or better yet, reach out with both arms and gently bring her into your space.
Men are hunters and providers. We work hard to provide for the family. Good job, Bubba, but your LL #4 does not end when you return from the office. As Jesus stated, while washing the disciples’ feet, we are servant kings. Your wife needs your help. Trust me, the remote will not get jealous. Also good sex begins in the kitchen! What that means, is a little help around meal times (preparing, setting table, washing dishes, just sitting in the kitchen and talking) sets the stage for a better bedtime. You are your wife’s helper, even though helping comes easier to the women. When she asks for help, do you grumble or do you give? LL#4 is service, and if you are not helping, you really are not helping yourself, or your case, when you get to the Judgment Seat!
The last LL is that of affirmations. Thank you for reading this column. Thank you for being a man who knows he can improve. Thank you for being a man who desires to please God, as he pleases his wife or family. Thank you for being willing to change. Thank you for supporting The Desert Review and all its advertisers. You really are quite intelligent to be reading this column. If you haven’t guessed it yet, LL#4 is about saying, with your voice, the things you value about others. She is pretty, smart, a hard worker, a good cook, a great mother, a solid Christian and prayer warrior, and the light of your life. Say it even if you don’t feel it.
Unfortunately, we men get a little frustrated or angry, and our love languages become mute. God answers your prayers so you need to answer the call to be a better man, husband, father and friend. The Love Languages work for ALL relationships.
I hope this gave you a tune-up or some needed tips. If you think you are beyond help, that is a lie! If that is your thinking (or your wife/mother is yelling that at you!) go to the Promise Keeper’s Men’s Conference this weekend in Phoenix, seek out a male mentor in the church (He’s the Paul and you are the Timothy), or have a one-on-one with your pastor. Wise counsel abounds, but you have to love those around you enough to learn how to express it. By the way, my wife had a great Mother’s Day. So can yours!